She Talks a Lot About Plans but Never Follows Through

Dr. Robert Wallace
Thu, 26 Mar 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: I'm a woman, and I have a couple of female friends, one in particular who often tells me she's interested in inviting me to an event, party or some type of outing and that she will "get back to me soon with the details."

This has happened four or five times now, and guess what? She has never once followed up on any of her offers. I run into her occasionally, usually once every week or every other week. What can I do to be prepared for her nonsense the next time she starts rambling about inviting me somewhere? — Her Invitations Are Hollow, via email

HER INVITATIONS ARE HOLLOW: Perhaps the next time she starts into one of her canned speeches about wanting to invite you somewhere, just nod your head attentively, and when she finishes speaking, look her directly in the eyes and say in a very calm voice, "I have a very busy schedule, if you have the details available now, I would be glad to get that on my calendar and meet you there." Then say nothing more and wait for her reaction.
Updated: Fri Mar 27, 2026

DR. WALLACE: I'm a woman, and I have a couple of female friends, one in particular who often tells me she's interested in inviting me to an event, party or some type of outing and that she will "get back to me soon with the details."

This has happened four or five times now, and guess what? She has never once followed up on any of her offers. I run into her occasionally, usually once every week or every other week. What can I do to be prepared for her nonsense the next time she starts rambling about inviting me somewhere? — Her Invitations Are Hollow, via email

HER INVITATIONS ARE HOLLOW: Perhaps the next time she starts into one of her canned speeches about wanting to invite you somewhere, just nod your head attentively, and when she finishes speaking, look her directly in the eyes and say in a very calm voice, "I have a very busy schedule, if you have the details available now, I would be glad to get that on my calendar and meet you there." Then say nothing more and wait for her reaction.

You'll likely be surprised at the yammering she may come up with. If she doesn't provide you details during that conversation, just tell her the next time she would like to invite you somewhere to have the specific details coordinated in advance and that you'll be happy to go. This should bring things to head one way or the other.

I COULD REALLY USE A PAT ON THE BACK AFTER A TOUGH YEAR

DR. WALLACE: I'm a first-year college student on the homestretch now to wrapping up a tumultuous personal and academic year. I've hung in there throughout a lot of ups and downs, and I will definitely pass all my classes, which is certainly an accomplishment given how tenuous things looked at various points during the school year.

I'm definitely proud of myself for hanging in there and grinding through while making some tough adjustments along the way.

Lately I've noticed that I've been craving a pat on the back from someone or anyone speaking just a few words of encouragement to me, but I don't really have anyone specifically who would know enough to do that. I could call home and ask my family for some verbal strokes, but to me that seems both weak and contrived.

Is there anywhere I could go to get even a slight figurative pat on the back, or should I just be happy with what I've accomplished even if no one has seemed to notice much? — Craving a Tender Pat on the Back, via email

CRAVING A TENDER PAT ON THE BACK: Two things come to my mind immediately. One of them is that you said you're very proud of yourself, and deservedly so, I would say.

Don't just note that fact and move on, but truly take the time to be proud of yourself and give yourself a figurative pat on the back for hanging in there. You've shown some inner strength that you can now use as a baseline for future endeavors and challenges in your life. You deserve to feel really good about this, and you owe it to yourself to take some reasonable amount of time to bask in just how tough and resilient you really are.

Secondly, perhaps you could ask for some office time with one or two of the teachers or professors you have in the toughest classes that you were able to somehow find a way to navigate. During this office time, thank them for allowing you to hang in there despite not doing well earlier in the school year, and briefly explain what held you back, without going into too much detail. Don't make it a big unfurling of any drama in your life; simply stick to the headlines and let these instructors know that you faced several challenges, and you're really glad that you hung in there and that they afforded you the opportunity to continue soldiering on.

Odds are at least one if not both of the instructors you choose to speak with will provide you some encouraging words and congratulations for navigating what has been a difficult year for you. These instructors know you over several months and are absolutely in the position to be able to give you the encouragement and congratulations you so definitely deserve.