They Still Want to Hang Around With Me After a Poor Date

Dr. Robert Wallace
Fri, 27 Mar 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: I'm a female college student in my second year at my university. I've had an up-and-down dating career here at college, with a few reasonable relationships that lasted several months, but I'll also admit that several of my first dates didn't turn out too well and never led to a second date.

I'm the type of person who is approachable and personable, and I generally treat everyone well as long as they are at least reasonable with me. Lately I've noticed that a couple of the guys I didn't want to go out on a second date with have continued to try to hang around with me "socially" on occasion. They both know I'm not going to date them anymore, but they seemingly want to try to drum up an ongoing friendship in which they envision us spending a lot of time together even if we're not romantically linked anymore.

I really don't have the time and bandwidth to go down this road with guys I dated once already, so how do I handle a situation like this given my personality? I truly don't like to let people down. — "One and Done" Dates Aim for Friendship, via email
Updated: Sat Mar 28, 2026

DR. WALLACE: I'm a female college student in my second year at my university. I've had an up-and-down dating career here at college, with a few reasonable relationships that lasted several months, but I'll also admit that several of my first dates didn't turn out too well and never led to a second date.

I'm the type of person who is approachable and personable, and I generally treat everyone well as long as they are at least reasonable with me. Lately I've noticed that a couple of the guys I didn't want to go out on a second date with have continued to try to hang around with me "socially" on occasion. They both know I'm not going to date them anymore, but they seemingly want to try to drum up an ongoing friendship in which they envision us spending a lot of time together even if we're not romantically linked anymore.

I really don't have the time and bandwidth to go down this road with guys I dated once already, so how do I handle a situation like this given my personality? I truly don't like to let people down. — "One and Done" Dates Aim for Friendship, via email

'ONE AND DONE' DATES AIM FOR FRIENDSHIP: Let these guys know politely that you have limited free time given your busy schedule, and you must set aside time for your the academic workload and study.

To let them down more gently, you could tell them that if they want dating advice or your opinion on a matter involving another potential date with a different person, you'd be happy to give them 15 to 20 minutes every other week, either in person or on the phone, to help guide them. But as you do this, let them know that your assistance will also have an expiration date. Tell them that you will give them three such sessions out of friendship and courtesy. Do this upfront so that they are getting the realistic news as you give them a slight dose of good news.

MY ACTIONS YESTERDAY SURPRISED ME TO MY CORE!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a female, and I've always been very slow and gradual to meet people, go on dates and trust people enough to let them into my inner circle.

But yesterday on my college campus, I saw a guy hanging out with his friends and talking to a few other people that joined the group, both guys and girls, and just the way he was handling himself and talking with everyone instantly drew me into rapt attention of watching his movements for some reason.

A feeling came over me like I already knew him from somewhere even though he's a complete stranger to me, for sure. I waited until things were breaking up with his group, and just as he was about to walk away, I walked in the direction of the group and said hello to him briefly as I passed him. He said hello back to me, and I stopped and turned at him, and for some reason I said, "I'm really impressed at how you handle yourself!" I was immediately embarrassed and didn't say another word. He kind of stared at me, then smiled, laughed lightly and said, "Well, I'm glad you approve." I laughed with him, and that definitely broke the ice!

Long story short, we talked for 10 minutes and agreed to meet in the future to hang out on campus between classes sometime.

I have no idea if this will lead to anything or if we will ever actually date each other, but I'm really stunned at my own behavior because I've never done anything like that. Why do you think this might've happened in the way it did? — I Boldly Spoke Up Like Never Before, via email

I BOLDLY SPOKE UP LIKE NEVER BEFORE: I don't feel there was anything wrong with you at all. Perhaps you're now stepping into a new level of maturity. You've been at college for a while, you've gotten the rhythm of college life, you've dated, and you are a young adult moving ahead with your life and the plans you have for the future.

Along the way during this journey, you happened to observe something that struck you in a quite unusual and pleasant way, and you boldly found a way to introduce yourself to a person you found quite interesting. I see it has nothing more than that, and I congratulate you for not remaining so timid as to let the moment pass you by.

I agree with you that no one knows if anything will ever come of this, or if you may end up with merely an interesting new platonic friend, but I see this experience as developmental toward your life arc.